Con-fuse

I need to know.
Who are you?
Where did you come from?

Stop.

Remember me?
Remind me
Console me
Hurt me

Play

Anoint me
Dethrone me

Who am I?
Who are we?
When are we going home?

Thoughts Unthought

Eyes shift from lying to tired to welled up with tears. This helplessness will not end. The only ones that can help are gone or completely dead to my insistent screams of “help me please!”

Plain words whispered over emotionally smokey timbers punctuated by a smile that means as much as the non-existent hello and the breeze that announced your presence.

Stuck, confused and completely broken – Mosaic of emotions, fragmented and haplessly glued together by unsteady hands.

You don’t understand.

Time together is seemingly time apart. Mis-spoken thoughts cloud already gloomy skies.

We hold it in and cry silent tears in the hours before sleep claims our weary hearts. We can pretend in the morning.

Doubt

I would cross oceans and climb mountains and harness the energies of worlds long gone for you, little girl love all grown up, completely understanding and still ever pure but we’re different people now, you want different things and still run away from our need of each other.

I wonder how it would be if we were ever apart, if you found someone you could tolerate and I found someone I could bear and we lived separate lives…hoping beyond all hope that one day we would see each other again, feel each other again…

Would it all be the same with someone else? Would you go through the motions would you hurt yourself? Can love be enough can pain reinforce values? Doubt. You need me. You miss me and I’m nothing without you.

Untitled

I know you’ll see me
looking back at you
eyes wide, brown and new
searching for a way to comfort you.
Tell me who you are
I’d guard it with my heart
show me all your scars

We can be
I can be
better
healed

Hold my hand
Don’t let go
I’m strong I know but
help me
I want to let you in
Forgive my past sins
I want to be with you

Let’s never give this up
this echo of love in our souls
never
let this be
our healing
our need
our love
our acquaintance with god

Come with me

Transitional Thoughts

Death

bring me back

my god

my faith

Judge me

bring to me heaven

on my knees

I believe

Beautiful Things

I’m thankful now for
pain’s way of teaching me
silent lessons
out loud

Grateful bows
and understanding nods
to those who’ve shared
my ever growing doubts

Grown up thoughts and
life’s gentle touch
has led me to see
past the pain
I’ve seen
so many beautiful things

I can forget
with pleasure
the horror of pain’s
good measure
now that I can
finally open my eyes

Beauty abounds

Words Unspoken. Spoken Word.

My words speak, not as loudly as my hands scream, when they are outstretched and waiting for an embrace, a place for my soul to be, to rest, to breathe. Come be with me.
When my heart cries, the sounds are muffled and unending, hidden behind smiles and caring, who am I to ask for something I give for free? Hold me.

Letters to Love – What just happened?

We’ve been infatuated with each other forever, the hope of a sweet kiss and a gentle touch has stroked our egos and lit our fires for years, but where are we now? I shudder to think that our relationship could have gone so cold, no more talking, no more showing, no more hoping. Where did we go wrong? Was this mutual or was it you or I, locked up in our worlds, praying that everything on the outside would be waiting for us when we returned?

You shocked me with your candor, that is, you shocked me with your pain. Opened up wounds I thought I’d long forgotten, teased me with a past that was completely consuming. What is your ploy? Why do you hurt me? Did I not tend to you as I said I would? Keeping you warm on cold days, opening my arms and my heart and my soul and rendering it to you, pretty please on top with a red bow? Haven’t I been patient? Explaining, straight forward, noble?

We were supposed to be right, the right way to love, the example, the gold standard. How will this go on? Which one of us will break it to our mutual friends. They’ll take your side, you’re perfect. I love you. Don’t go. We couldn’t work it out? I couldn’t make another sacrifice to set things right? Have you see me in the light that I see you? Isn’t there anything I could do?

Don’t do this, don’t pity my with your sympathetic nods and your cold stares. I wanted you to want me as bad as I wanted, no needed you. I wanted you to understand me the way that I thought I understood you. Can you hear me now as I cry into the night, lighting a candle on your side of the room? I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I take it back, let’s start over. I can change, I can be different, I can be someone else, someone you’d want to want, want to need, need to need, need to please. I can be. Anything. Change me. Consume me. Defeat me. Domineer me. Complete me. Fulfil me. Free me.

When you’re not here all I feel is pain and the emptiness that drives poets mad. The eerie silence that makes you want to die, cry, crawl up inside your self and lie. I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to tie you down, you have so much to offer and I don’t have anything else left to give. Believe me.

I know you’re leaving. Just leave.

Stop

Silky smooth

velvet on satin

warm

moist

tender

Ripe for the picking

please

 

I’m almost there

just a bit harder

I need you

Don’t

Take this away

driving me insane

you can take away

the pain

harder

stop

Please

Don’t

Stop

Touching me

Build me up

languid eruption

high mountains

sensitive peaks

Don’t stop baby

Brooklyn Boy

I never thought that I would fall for a brooklyn boy, all chocolate brown and sweet as pie.

 

Worldly knowledge and hood swagger

he can go from the new york times to

dealing with this crazy time .

Has a gentle touch, and rough hands

and swears he knows me like the back of his hand

 

Who’s this brooklyn boy that’s killing my composure?

He makes me feel, makes me think, makes me want,

makes me lose control.

 

He’s my weakness

the explosive in my foundation

My fata morgana

where the lack of my will resides

where my knees go weak at the though of his smile

and my heart refuses to beat

 

He’s fire and I’ll surely get burnt

like a peice of paper close to the flame

pulling back from the heat

but wanting to be the reason why it burns

at the same time

 

Burn me

Change me

Consume me

 

This brooklyn boy will surely be my downfall.

He stole my breath and left me panting for more.

Can he take my heart?