Brooklyn Boy

I never thought that I would fall for a brooklyn boy, all chocolate brown and sweet as pie.

 

Worldly knowledge and hood swagger

he can go from the new york times to

dealing with this crazy time .

Has a gentle touch, and rough hands

and swears he knows me like the back of his hand

 

Who’s this brooklyn boy that’s killing my composure?

He makes me feel, makes me think, makes me want,

makes me lose control.

 

He’s my weakness

the explosive in my foundation

My fata morgana

where the lack of my will resides

where my knees go weak at the though of his smile

and my heart refuses to beat

 

He’s fire and I’ll surely get burnt

like a peice of paper close to the flame

pulling back from the heat

but wanting to be the reason why it burns

at the same time

 

Burn me

Change me

Consume me

 

This brooklyn boy will surely be my downfall.

He stole my breath and left me panting for more.

Can he take my heart?

Reflections

I’ve taken time away from blogging to get my thoughts togther, to ensure that there was some time away from writing everything down and obsessing over my future in words, I needed time to act like I wanted to move forward in my life. I’ve managed within this time to get my negative thoughts under control, and take over all action with being a better person on the inside and out. I owed it to myself to get out more, have more friends, and experience life one day at a time instead of thinking about the ever so planned future and forgetting the moment.

I’ve spent a lot of my productive years in a relationship, trying to find out where my place is in the world within that relationship and I’m just trying to step outside of that, to experience more on the whole and I think I’m suceeding and by taking things one step at a time I am actually finding all the peices I thought I was missing and finding a genuine spot where I’m comfortable.

I’m falling in love all over again and I’m happier and more at ease this time around, loving someone is so much like loving yourself except it’s easier to accept someone else’s flaws and while everyone else is breaking up and growing through growing pains, I’m strong and hoping that in the end it’s love that will win.

 

Seeker.

Anastasia R

The Struggle of being Bi-Polar. Introduction.

So, I’ve known for a very long time that there was something not normal about me. I couldn’t keep friends, I alientated people yet desired them around me at the same time, I cried for weeks on end then I would go numb and I just couldn’t deal. Emotions overwhelmed me and I tried to put the flame out by attempting suicide in High School. Thankfully (I suppose) it wasn’t that deep of a cut, or the cut wasn’t made the correct way so, I survived, moved on, went to therapy for a couple months and I thought that would be it. What a realized walking away from therapy was that I got better at hiding how I felt, that I was a ticking time bomb, that my life was no better and my method of dealing no more useful then when I started.

I became obsessed with being loved, and being wanted and I felt like if I had someone there to love me and be with me and understand that it wouldn’t hurt so much, that the pain wouldn’t burn inside for so long.  Being in love this way is madness, it is above and beyond anything one could ever describe.

Since blogging has been so theraputic, I decided it is time for it to all come out. Maybe this will be better than therapy, even though therapy is where I belong.