Sometimes you take for granted the beauty and inspiration that you’re surrounded by every day.
Was simply amazing.
So, A is in the kitchen…making me stew. It’s been close to an hour, I’m almost faint with anticipation and it smells delicious.
Waiting for the Q train…noticed all of the posters had the train line cut out, in this case what’s cut out from the poster was {4}
These are the subtlety that make New York, undeniably…new york.
I’ve always been interested in how the American government treats it’s people and the seeming inability for us to get out of the detrimental cycles that we go over seas to free other people from. I’m currently watching; If God willing and Da creek don’t rise; a follow up documentary style film by Spike Lee. A follow up to When the levees broke which was done to bring to light the plight of those affected by hurricane Katrina.
If God willing and Da creek don’t rise is heart breaking, they examine everything from just the general feeling of the people, to the time in which our government at the time responded; that response in comparison to our response to foreign disaster, the rise in mental issues of the people who survived Katrina, the level of crime and the corruption of the police; the racial tensions and mistreatments in comparison to other states and the more recent BP/Oil Spill disaster.
It can’t be denied that at times as the policeman for the world, we tend to care for others more than our own. This film highlights those things and will hopefully make the people who are exposed to it, examine American as a country first; filled with people who have dire needs, more dire if not equally as some of the countries that we spend on…but, we don’t show these things on TV. Why would we? If we can stay trapped in the idea that America is great and that we are great for the world community on the whole, then our citizens won’t wonder collectively and demand action on many of the social injustices that we experience. We’re taught that we’re so much better off that everyone else so we shouldn’t complain; but when we’re not leading the world by example then its all for nothing.
Action needs to be taken and it starts with every individual wanting something to change. We don’t have to be masked vigilantes to make a difference but we should clean our own yard before we criticize someone else’s.
So, I don’t know who actually goes to the theater to see Parody Movies, but I’m going to have to ask you to stop.
I’ll even throw in a please.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not some kind of elitist…I’m a concerned citizen. I watch those movies too, but it’s normally when I can’t find anything else to watch on TV or I’m waiting for the movie I want to watch to start, they do have their moments but I believe they should be straight to DVD. Why would I pay $13-$15 to see Vampire Sucks? Movies are too expensive and popcorn costs a fortune; why waste the money on a movie that’s going to be lack luster at best, with a few good laughs and nothing in between? I guess you could be doing it because you’re in a huge group and it’s fun…but I’m sure there was something less horrible out at the time…sheesh.
/end rant.
When you miss someone, what is it that makes you ache? Is it the big things like them not being around you or is it the little things…like the way smelled after a shower?
A lot of my “missing” is triggered by smells, tastes and moments of deja vu. For instance, I miss the way a particular house smells the first time you enter it after a long day of work, I miss the way my grandmother’s food tasted…the way she would ask me to taste it before everyone else…as if the very act made it a complete dish, I miss the way my mother’s eyes light up when she watches wrestling and yells at the TV as if she can determine the next move, I miss Sunday dinner with the family, I miss the feeling of communion religion can bring, I miss the way real meat used to taste…freshly killed and tender. I miss my grandfather’s stories after he had a few drinks…the way his sweat would smell; half sweat, half rum cooled onto his skin by the dew filled air.
I miss TV not cutting off after a particular time. I miss playing outside. I miss the feeling of rushing home to watch cartoons. I miss the way you would make me tea in the middle of the night, with random spices as I sit on the kitchen counter…waiting for your potion with the full capability of doing it myself but knowing the only way I would be satisfied is if you do it. I miss the way I would barricade myself on the bed with the mosquito netting tucked in, hoping that I didn’t end up leaning on it and getting bit through the net anyway.
I miss the sense of awe and wonderment I had as a child, I miss my High School Uniform and the sense of purpose and identity it gave, I miss watching the boys play cricket during lunch, I miss playing market outside under the mango trees…I miss a lot.
I appreciate a lot. I miss a lot of people; some have passed, others are far away and some are nearby but there is nothing I can do to remedy the distance…I miss them all, I love them all and I will never forget them.
The hardest part of moving forward is getting rid of all the things in your life that are damaging. That does include people.
The people that you choose to be around should be uplifting your spirit, not damning it. Your friends should be kind, considerate, hopeful for your future, happy to share themselves and new experiences with you. Friends shouldn’t be damning, mooching leeches. Period. All of your relationships should benefit the persons involved so that means you also have to contribute. It is your moral and spiritual responsibility to feed your soul and feed the souls of the one around you.
With that being said, every year or so you need to go through a cleansing process and what that means is that you should examine all of the friendships, relationships and connections that you have upheld. If there is no growth in your relationship then that probably means that 1. Either none of the parties are contributing to the connection and it is stagnant or 2. Only one person is contributing so it is completely one sided and only beneficial to one person; regardless its something that should be allowed to come to an end rather than struggle on with no progress in sight.
I also go through my phone and make sure that everyone has a purpose for being a “Contact”. If you’re not business related or family and I haven’t called, texted or BBM’d you over the last 6 months then chances are you will be removed. I don’t like to have a lot of contacts in my phone that I can’t call. I still only have one or two people that I could call in case of emergency other than my SO and family members…so that’s rough but keeping the name in your phone won’t change the relationship unless both parties are willing to put in the effort.
I think cleansing is good for the soul. I think cleansing helps us re-organize our priorities and come to realizations about our selves and the type of relationships we encourage. I advise my 1-5 readers to try it out if you don’t already have a system and I invite you to share your thoughts on the process.
Every time I see my mother we get closer. I know that seems bogus but here’s the explanation; for most of my life I lived without my mother being a door away and my father was non existent. My grandparents took over my welfare when my mother moved to the US so that she can have the opportunity to provide a better life for me and of course in time assist me with coming to the US to find better opportunities myself.
When I was younger, I never really missed my mom. I was with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who were all close and lived and operated as a unit. I moved to live with my grandparents when I was 7 so I was still making childhood bonds and was completely carefree in thought. It wasn’t till I was much older that I would think the living arrangement I had being away from my mom for a long time was peculiar.
It started with the books I read really: descriptions of nuclear families and how they functioned; visits to grandparents and the occasional meeting of cousins for some special family changing occasion. Then came the teasing. Yes. Kids can be cruel and in a society where children and parent were discussed and gossiped about at length it wasn’t long till almost everyone I knew in my class was sure I was a nobody. No father and a mother who was an echo of times long gone.
Being a mixed kid or appearing as a mixed kid didn’t help either. Indo/afro Caribbean tensions were high and children are often the forerunners with what they hear at home. A lot of importance was placed on the purity of my family; some were indian and other were not and it became a frightful spectacle at times during recess. Not being able to play with the indian kids or the black kids for fear of teasing.
I made it through primary school early and well beyond the years of the kids around me and to a good school but the lesson I learned in Primary school will never leave me and being in the US it is reinforced everyday since I’m considered a minority in this country as well. There are people that will think they are better than you simply because of how they look, their race and who their parents are. This way of thinking is a irrevocable stain on the people who are in charge of moving us forward as a country and as a civilization.
Coming full circle with my rant here, just bear with me.
I used to blame my mother for the choices she made, as a teenager I was bitter and angry that I had to go through the teasing and the pain and I wanted her to at least ask or acknowledge that things could have been done differently and that I could have a voice in my own life and how it was led but I realize now that I’m adult myself that adults aren’t always privy to making the right decisions and I saw that only after making my own mistakes and having to deal with the repercussions emotionally and other wise.
I knew she was trying her best, trying to raise me as best as she could even though she wasn’t there to do it. What kind of relationship would we have if I was with her at 7 when she was working two jobs and barely getting enough sleep before she had to start the next day.
Now I can see that being away from her was the better option and little by little that feelings of hurt and neglect are receding as quickly as they came.
I love my mother. There was never any doubt but now I can also appreciate her as an adult can appreciate another who has sacrificed much of their life for them.
So every time I see my mother our relationship gets stronger and every time I hear her laugh I know that every thing is going to be just fine. I wish that I would be half as resilient, wise and beautiful as she is one day.
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I wonder who people really are. Underneath the persona that they sell you. What drives people to create a socially likable character is definitely understandable but most people get lost in it.
For some its a switch that goes on and off when select colleagues are around, for some is the level of friendship they are willing to give and for others they just can’t separate it from who they thought they were and in order to not deal with themselves they create something more manageable.
The funny thing about fakeness is that its not real and normally if the person on the receiving end of the high pitch conversation has more than 3 functioning braincells they can tell when your being pretentious.
For those of us that are willing to deal with life on the terms that we’re given; its insulting, borderline disgusting.
Fake people bore me and fake conversations only make me wonder how far down the illusion goes.
Here’s a tip. When you’re happy enjoy it, when you’re sad try your best to work through it. Be open and honest with yourself and the people you surround yourself with. It will work out better for you and you’ll find that the relationships you build are long standing.
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